I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
