this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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