I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
