Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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