did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
