I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So much Jack, so little girl.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
