Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
