Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties