Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it

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(512): View more from Texas

She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

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(785): View more from Kansas

So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?

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23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Read it at the TFLN blog
(443): View more from Maryland

just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

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(650): View more from California

dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king

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(586): View more from Michigan

I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED

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(574): View more from Indiana

Paige is home safe.

(574): View more from Indiana

Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.

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