just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.