The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.