You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.