MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My penis needs a shock collar
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
