I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
