Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
