Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
