Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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