i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
