I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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