Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
