You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
