Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
