Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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