she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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