I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize