i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
