im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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