i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
