No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
