i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
