yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Quick, to the slutcave!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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