so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
