She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize