in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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