I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
