My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
