I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
