I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
