i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
