giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
