yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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