Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
