Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
