this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize