my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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