it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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