Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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