I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
