Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
