i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
