you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You are the jesus of drinking
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
that is very illegal...i love you.
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