he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So much rum. So many feels.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
