I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
