Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
