dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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