it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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