I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
