my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
