RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
