I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
