im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
