Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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