this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
