Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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