She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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