I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
