Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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